it's never enough.

she constantly yells at me. she's being unreasonable. i cant believe she would actually think i'd ditch school. oh no. so she finally realizes she's wrong, and so she still yells at me. just cuz she was wrong. i swear. it's like i can never do anything right. all i do is try my best to make her happy. all i do is try to make her life easier as my mom, im a good girl. i dont do shit. all i do is try to satisfy her. but NO. everything i do seems to be wrong. sure. i know i make my mistakes. i know i probably should have talked to clifton myself...i know that. and that's why i cleared it up at the office. i took the initiative to deal with my own problem. i know i make my mistakes, but she doesnt give me a chance to explain myself. EVERYSINGLETIME. this happens every time. she just goes off at me. she just tells me off, without even asking me if what she thinks is right. at least give me a chance to tell MY side. at least let me explain that i cleared everything up. i understand that she's mad, and she was probably worried, but why does she have to automatically think the worst of me? cant i ever explain myself before she assumes things? i cant stand it. but i cant do anything about it, cuz if i say anything to her i only get in more trouble. and it just gets worse on my part. i ALWAYS lose. always. cuz i dont ever get a chance to prove myself otherwise. and like, wtheck. she actually thought i would ditch school. give me break. when have i ever done something against how she has brought me up? when have i ever done something against school rules? she doesnt trust me. how can she not trust me, when she hasnt even given me the chance to lose her trust in the first place? im sheltered at home, not really allowed to go anywhere unless its school related...how can she not trust me when i have never done anything wrong? ive never had the chance to. this all just brings me to tears because everything i do never seems enough. and im getting so tired...


[edit]

on a happier, and more important note...
happy ten months shane! (:
i love you much. thanks for everything.



ps. roller disco was sooo much fun. hahaha and wow, i cannot skate :P