potpourri

one hour. one hour of pure relaxation. one hour of longed for movement. one hour. one hour of freedom. freedom from ill thoughts. freedom from mental stress. one hour. one hour of being free of worry. one hour of not having to groan about strenuous homework. one hour of not worrying about that math quiz tomorrow. one hour. one hour of just plain therapy. one hour of music. one hour of steps. one hour of rhythm. one hour of being problem-free. one hour. one hour of feeling good. one hour of letting go. one hour of true effort. one hour. every tuesday. from four to five after school. oh how i love dance class. oh how i need it in low times. it is my escape. my 'sweet escape' from the real world. during this hour, i feel contained. but in a good way. i know the word 'contained' has negative connotations. but during this hour, i am within myself. within the movements and within the music. nothing from the outside world is able to break through and hurt me. and when the clock reads five o'clock, reality strikes. homework returns. the ill thoughts continue to nag my mind.......im tired of AIM. i really am. im tired of the fake conversations. and the fake things that people say. if you cant say it to my face, how am i supposed to believe you? say what you mean, and mean what you say. i wanna hear it from you......how do you find the words to tell someone how you feel? how do you tell your parents that you're doing everything you can, but i guess maybe i'm just not good enough? how do you tell that person that you're hurting? how do you tell someone how you feel without worrying about how they're gonna judge you? how do you tell someone your insecurities without causing so much chaos? how do you tell someone that all you can give is your friendship that they dont seem to accept? how do you tell your teacher that that WAS your best? how do you tell yourself that everything will eventually piece itself back together again?......its funny. at random moments of the day, i'll be singing "no one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side, and though i move my world to be with him, still the gap between us is too wide" i mean seriously, why do our choir songs have to be so, oh whats the word: sad? yeah. despite that, now i really wanna find the "chess" soundtrack. but that dreamgirls song is starting to bug hahahha.......blah. all this talk about choosing our classes for next year is giving me a headache. i dont even want to think about what i plan to do after high school but its getting closer and closer. oooooh growing up is so complicated......

yeah. so as you can see above, my thoughts are kinda unorganized and jumbled up. and there are many of them. haha iono. it's one of those days i guess. i blame the rain. HAHA i dont know what it is..but it seems whenever it rains, im always like this. i dont like it when water comes from the sky...hahahhaha. tomorrow will be better. i hope...