it's about time, rona.

im too slow. in EVERYTHING. literally. hahahha..



this goes out to everyone.
all the ones i love most.
im sorry. really really.
i hope i havent already killed it for me.

it's all out. and i feel so much better. pretty much a year's worth of mixed emotions and insecurities and self-hatred is all out. i guess its been out for awhile now haha but at least we were able to talk about it before it got any worse. which may seem almost impossible, seeing as it was already pretty bad. but i think it could have been worse. but anyway. enough babbling. i made a promise and i intend on keeping it. for the sake of everyone. and for the sake of myself. i dont want to lose everything that i have been so blessed with. i cant thank god enough for people who dont really give up on me, no matter how sick of me they may be. i feel like i can breathe again. and its a good feeling. i feel like now that its all out i can finally let go. and finally start over. and finally stop hating myself. and finally stop affecting everybody else. today is the last day i cry for any of these reasons. i will say it all once more and after this, im done. i swear it on my life. im sorry for all the times i was selfish. im sorry its taken this long for me to get over everything. im sorry ive been unreasonable and oversensitive. and just to say...anything ive ever said..as in, in other places i guess..that may have been a little..harsh? or extreme...well i tend to overact a lot when im not thinking straight. so im sorry for saying everything i didnt mean. i guess to be general (and to save your time haha) im sorry for everything thats happened this past year.



- thank you. really. for giving me strength. but remember your side of the deal ;] hahahhaha. but im not waiting until your side of the deal happens. because i have a feeling it wont happen for a longgg while...i dare you to PROVE ME WRONG :]

- you're right. "this is a step.." a step that i should have taken so long ago. but ive been too ashamed of myself. and thank you, for all the chances ive wasted "/ but im not going to waste any more. and i promise ill be a better talker<33

- im not gonna force something i know i dont deserve. but im going to try to prove myself. thank you.

i know 'sorry' is never enough. whenever someone says sorry to me, i always think, "whoever invented the word sorry must have been so weak." the only thing sorry does is let the other person(s) know that you've acknowledged the fact that you hurt them in some way. so im not going to be a hypocrite. forgiveness takes more than an apology. and im going to give this all ive got<33


woosah. i can breathe again :]