just for fun?

so i went to the TMJRs dance workshop tonight, JUST FOR FUN. like i had NO plan whatsoever to even think about trying out saturday. but i had so much fun during the workshop tonight. like seriously. and by the end of it, i was like, i really really want to try out and be a part of the team. so im actually considering it now. BUT im having major debating issues with myself. (yeah, i know. what else is new?) IF i do try out, and IF i actually make it, my life could change. this audition, IF i decide on going through with it, could change my life. it's one thing to just take some classes on dance and stuff, and another thing to actually be on a dance team. to be on a dance team, its like another family. and you must be committed. TMJrs is a year long commitment. and after todays workshop, i realized, i really want to be a part of something like that. to be a part of something great. to be able to be proud of something ive done, for once. cuz honestly, in my life, ive never really been able to say that ive accomplished something great. and dance, well i LOVE it. simple as that. its the only thing i feel like i can be good at. so why am i having second thoughts about auditioning on saturday? because of school. because of junior year. because of my APs. im afraid i wont be able to handle my grades if i do this. like seriously. its only been a week of school, and im already having a hard time kinda. so i dont know..its like my entire future is at hand here. i dont think you realize how much my life could change if i made it into TMJrs. today's workshop also got me thinking about whether dance really is "just for fun" for me. i mean, what about making dance my life? as in, after high school, throughout college, for the rest of my life? its something fun to think about. i know for sure i would enjoy it. but i dont think i could or that i should make dance my life. theres so much competition out there that i cant even get close to matching up. and more importantly, my parents. i dont think they see me like that ten years from now. just for fun? who knows. ill just have to see where this life takes me. as for now, ill just be thinking about saturday..i bet i wont even decide until i wake up saturday morning..