surprise

i didnt think i would. but i did. it started off with just talking about it over garlic chicken and chow mein. and then i realized my face was wet and my fork was trembling in my hand. who am i kidding? that lie i tell myself every day has built up all this emotion inside of me that i didnt want to believe existed. but it's there. and it's strong. and whether or not im the only person feeling the way i do, i cant go on like this anymore. with so much ambiguity and too many things that have been left unsaid. i hate not knowing where its all going. i dont really want to live the rest of my life wondering "what if?" it's too disheartening. cuz i have random breakdowns about it that i wish i dont. i may be selfish at times and it's not exactly something im very proud of. but if only you knew...ive been holding back because i dont want to interrupt your happy life.