(insert title here)

it's impossible for me to even think of a word or phrase that would title all of this. today was just proof that talking things out can actually help. confrontation is one of the biggest problems people face. but with everything that has happened to me, i realize that although it may be the hardest thing to do, it's the most effective. well im going to attempt to organize what i feel like i have yet to say. and by the end of it all, im sure theres still a lot more that i left out. haha oh well. time will come (:

"someone special" // antonymous
no. you made perfect sense. and it's everything i ever wanted to say but couldnt find the words to say them in (thank you). i just want to live. and sometimes it seems it's so difficult, always having to "adjust" and whatnot. but even though it's hard and sometimes makes me miserable, i do it anyway. why? im not sure why i cant just move on like other people have. i guess, i care too much, regardless of whether i get that back or not. and regardless of their accusations and regardless of whether they realize exactly how much of my own happiness ive sacrificed for them. because love is about forgiveness. ill always wonder why i dont just leave it all behind (like you told me i should), but it's not something i want to do. thank you though, for always making me realize what im always so blind to see. i truly appreciate it.

anonymous one.
im not going to erase anything. honestly, because i dont want you to forget. we're going to take from this, and learn. every struggle, every obstacle we go through, makes you and i better; makes our relationship stronger. i dont care how many tears ive cried. through everything, ive realized that i love you more than i love myself. and i understand that you were angry...but you're right: it still wasnt okay. cuz your words hurt me. a lot. the thing that upset me most was that you would say all of that when you never took the time to stop and try to understand wherever i came from. you were too blinded by all the biased views around you, it hurt me that you would just believe them all without actually listening to my side. i never wanted you to choose. and im never going to ask you to choose sides. the only thing i ask is that you decide for yourself, instead of letting other people influence the way you see things. the last time this happened, i made a promise because i just accepted what you believed and i didnt want to fight it. this time, you and i made a promise together; and a different promise at that. thank you. because i can go to sleep at night now without trying to force myself to believe what i didnt really believe for the sake of us. but you and i talked today. and you have no idea how relieving it is for me to know that my self sacrifices are no longer hidden; that the chances i gave are acknowledged and appreciated. you'll never really know how much i love you. love is a learning experience. and no one is perfect. and since these kind of experiences are a part of life, id much rather learn from them with you by my side than anyone else. one thing that ive learned, is that love is learning to truly forgive. you have taught me to forgive. you have taught me to love. you're right, i have changed. but in a way, no one seems to understand. the "old me" didnt really know how to forgive; she held grudges. but through what we've been through, i have learned the importance of forgiveness in ANY type of relationship. and just know that what i told you today is sincere. i'll always love you. i'll always forgive. just be careful not to take advantage of that though ;] we all know how easily i get hurt. hahaha...but in all seriousness, i hope that what you told me today holds true. because im believing you and because i have faith in us, regardless of what other people say. and with the words of luther vandross: "I'd rather have bad times with you, then good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, then safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, then to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart." ♥

and as for "anonymous two" and whoever else goes along with that person. well, i want to just let time do its job. sure maybe things arent the same. and maybe you and i dont agree on whatever that's happened. maybe we still have yet to learn the whole confrontation process. but as for right now, i dont want to think about it anymore. whatever happened, happened, and going backwards trying to figure out what exactly happened is useless. i want to move forward. and hopefully, we can (re)meet somewhere again.

man. what a day. what a week. i cannot wait for break..hahaha. kay, i still gotta write christmas cards. sorry my presents this year arent anything special "/